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Helping Friends

Recovery can be an upsetting and difficult process. Substance users may feel angry, guilty and ashamed. This can make it hard for their friends and family members to offer them the kind of honest, caring communication and unconditional support that will make their recovery possible.

But if you have a friend or sibling who needs help tackling substance-related problems, ARMS can give you the tools you need to be an important resource for them. Our mental health care professionals are also available to answer questions, provide information or speak to someone on your behalf at any point.

How to Help

Here are some tips for helping a loved one with substance-related problems:

  • Choose the right time to talk with your friend. Make sure he/she is sober. If a face-to-face confrontation makes you too nervous, write an email or text, and then follow up with an in-person conversation.
  • Remember that no one likes to be criticized and be as positive as possible. Mention how much you care about your friend and bring up the things you like about him/her, such as generosity, kindness and loyalty. Be as specific as possible. Identify situations when your friend was not at his/her best because of alcohol or drugs. Explain why this event upset or scared you, and use it to bring up the negative impact alcohol and drugs are having on your friend’s life and your relationship with him/her.
  • Don’t be surprised if your friend denies having a problem and gets angry; people who use alcohol and drugs often respond in this way. And it is important to remember that not everyone who uses alcohol and drugs does have a problem. But if your friend’s behavior is upsetting you, it is important to discuss it with him/her, even if he/she is not an addict.
  • Stay calm, be supportive and encourage your friend to talk to someone about his/her usage. Let him/her know that you will be there every step of the way, and that you will not betray his/her trust by telling anyone else.
  • Educate yourself about your community’s substance use and treatment resources, such as ARMS, so you have real facts and concrete tools to offer your friend.
  • Understand that you may have to repeat this conversation many times before your friend is ready to hear what you have to say. Try to find an adult ally, in case your friend’s health or wellbeing becomes endangered.
  • Know that you have an important role in your friend’s recovery. Research shows that a person’s social network is his/her most important resource when facing substance-related problems and building a healthy life.